Is this how you think of me?
Is this how you want me to be?
With all the nights I’ve cried,
Does that show you what you do to me?
I can’t escape from it,
The creature in my sight
When I look in the mirror
And I’m split between black and white.
It’s become my worst fear,
So my eyes begin to fill with tears
But I’m split down the middle, torn in two,
In an everlasting war, do I show myself if it hurts you?
Please don’t let me become your ghost
But you’re the perfect host
How did we end up this way?
Has all this time just been a lie?
Am I forced into love
With no control of my emotions?
How can I know that what I’m thinking
Are my own thoughts anymore?
This has gone on far too long,
But I can’t shake this hole I call my home
And I’m split down the middle, torn in two,
In an everlasting war, should I show myself if it hurts you?
Please don’t let me become the ghost
Of what you fear the most
I was split down the middle, torn in two,
And I chose to give you my heart,
I showed myself and it hurt you
Now you wear the mark of my ghost,
It’s what I feared the most
“Problemchild, why can’t you just be normal?”
You ask yourself, “Why am I just so horrible?”
And you’re tryin’ so hard to fight the good fight
But you smell their fear when they look in your eyes
Then maybe, you’re not the problem, problemchild,
Maybe, you’re not the problem, problemchild
Problemchild, why do you keep on fighting
And screaming, even no one cares enough to listen
You speak the truth, that is undeniable
But just because it hurts doesn’t mean that truth is vile
And you feel your fight is unrecognized
Till you see them squirm because goddamn you’re right
You’re learning, you’re not the problem, problemchild,
You’re learning, you’re not the problem, problemchild,
Learning, you’re not the problem, problemchild,
You know now, you’re not the problem, problemchild.
credits
from Vessels,
released June 4, 2021
Music and lyrics by Jay Verchin
Synthesizer by Eric L'Esperance
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