1. |
Chiron
03:19
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You’re my missing piece
A thousand leagues down and you were the key
You became woven into my life so fast
Thank you for being everything I need
I heard your voice for the first time
And the sound, it let me breathe
You healed me
In the deepest trench you were glowing blue
Phosphorescent, from out of nowhere you appeared
I heard your voice for the first time
And the sound, it let me breathe
You healed me
From the tides we rose
I can see the constellations light years out from home
With no moon above, Chiron shines out from your eyes,
They’re brighter than the sun
And I heard my heart for the first time
It said “I love you” then
I felt it then
In the deepest trench you were glowing blue
Phosphorescent, from out of nowhere you appeared
I heard your voice for the first time
And the sound, it let me breathe
You healed me
And I heard my heart for the first time
It said “I love you” then
I told you then
I open my mouth
I’m an open book but the pages all fall out
Drenched in heavy rain
The raging waters of thoughts untamed
So please search for them, the things I haven’t said
They’re drowning me but I need to breathe
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2. |
Anywhere, Anyways
03:19
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I came from shattered windshields and broken doors
And torn up throats from screaming too long
With nowhere else to hide except for under my covers
Where I saw no light
I grew up seven years without feeling safe enough
Just to leave my room
But you taught me comfort and showed me grace,
And now I leave my door wide open for you
You’re the only one that’s made anywhere feel like a home
You’re the only one that’s made me believe I don’t have to cry alone
So anyways, thanks for giving me all I missed out on
I’ve always loved the city, but I wouldn’t mind
Going off the grid if you’re by my side
‘Cause it’s the little things that make this place a home
Like getting all dressed up, or checking the doors
And oh, this is all so new and exciting,
Feeling love and comfort for the very first time
And I never owed you any explanation
‘Cause I know you’ve known me in every iteration
You’re the only one that’s made anywhere feel like a home
You’re the only one that’s given me a reason like I could never know
So anyways, thanks for being someone to rely on
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3. |
Gauntlet
01:45
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Instrumental
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4. |
Proof of Life
04:13
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You’ve always felt like a spectre to me,
You came, I saw you, now you’re fleeting
I wish I could keep you with me forever
But instead you’re free-roaming
You’re so unreal, it’s mystical
I wish I had something, anything at all,
Some part of you I can keep when you leave,
Some proof of life of my love, my everything
My everything
I want proof of us, what we were and what we have,
And how it’s so special, how it’s irreplaceable
You’re always here with me in my heart, and I don’t think that ever will change,
But what if it does?
What if all I’m left with is faded memories,
Losing your voice in a sea of dissonance,
So that’s why I need something, anything at all,
Some piece of you I can hold when you’re gone,
Some proof of life so that I can carry on
I need to carry on
I want proof so even when you’re gone
I can hope to feel something, anything at all,
Even just a glimmer of what we had
But you’re so unreal, intangible
I’m reaching for something to hold when I fall
Some part of you, so when you depart
I’ll have proof of life of you, the one who changed my heart
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5. |
Chronology
02:27
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I wish that I’d known just this time last year
That everything set in stone would change
But even if the sands erode all I’ve ever known,
The magic here always stays the same
Time just moves too fast and my heart too slow
To look outside and recognize the rain
Until there comes a thunderstorm that shakes my world
I always assume the moon will shine on me again
I wish that I’d known just this time last year
(Time just moves too fast and my heart too slow)
That everything set in stone would change
(To look outside and recognize the rain)
But even if the sands erode
(until there comes a thunderst-)
All I’ve ever known
The magic always will shine on me again.
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6. |
||||
I sailed your waters but they ignited around me
So I capsized, jump ship - hoping that’s what could save me
But in the fiery debris
Comes the wrath of my baggage, my grief’s release.
Please don’t let me die
While the smoke clouds your star in the sky
I need you, my firefly
I can hear your horses cry but your prince leaves me out to dry
And I see our life flash before my eyes
An arrows shot through my heart makes me bleed
And its poison seeps in, but its weight only belongs to me
So I sink into blazing waters
Confused by my rage, I just fan the flames hotter
And they burn my fingertips,
Every memory of touch
Left to melt away with my skin
What’s there left to cry
When I can’t find your star in the sky?
Come to me, my firefly.
I see the flames and your waves collide
What can I do when my selfish pride’s
Just the shell that you’ve left behind?
In this eclipse will I be left to reside?
Without your light in my eyes, I need you dear firefly.
And I’ll look for you in the sky, my firefly.
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7. |
Arise, O Light
00:58
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Instrumental
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8. |
Moonsong
02:37
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Here’s where my prayer begins:
The moon shall kiss you nightly dear
So even on a lightless night
Her dawn shines on from behind your eyes
So even with brooding skies that obstruct your view
Her path homeward lives in you
You can have your space
But I’ll gaze on up to the stars
Just to make sure you’re okay
Though you won’t need me to;
The strength of the moon has always lived with you
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9. |
XIII
04:00
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When the day finally comes
When your shoes won’t line the doorway
And I won’t hold you nightly ‘fore I go to sleep
I know that there are things
That you can’t leave behind
And things that I know that I can’t keep
I swear to you, I vow to you,
To hold on to every piece that I can
I promise you, I’ll keep every artifact with my soul
So when we die, I’ll know how to find you again
We’ll rebuild our home into each other's hearts
But for now my sky has come crashing down again
Until death do us part,
I devote myself to this cause
To making sure that every version of me
Finds every version of you,
I know I will
But I swear to you, I vow to you,
To hold on to every piece that I can
I promise you, I’ll keep every artifact with my soul
So when we die, I’ll know how to find you again
We’ll rebuild our home into each other's hearts
But for now my sky has come crashing down again
How will you find me when this future diverts from our past?
So I’ll dissolve into this uneasiness,
But I’m sure we’ll find each other again.
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10. |
Melinoe
05:48
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Is this how you think of me?
Is this how you want me to be?
With all the nights I’ve cried,
Does that show you what you do to me?
I can’t escape from it,
The creature in my sight
When I look in the mirror
And I’m split between black and white.
It’s become my worst fear,
So my eyes begin to fill with tears
But I’m split down the middle, torn in two,
In an everlasting war, do I show myself if it hurts you?
Please don’t let me become your ghost
But you’re the perfect host
How did we end up this way?
Has all this time just been a lie?
Am I forced into love
With no control of my emotions?
How can I know that what I’m thinking
Are my own thoughts anymore?
This has gone on far too long,
But I can’t shake this hole I call my home
And I’m split down the middle, torn in two,
In an everlasting war, should I show myself if it hurts you?
Please don’t let me become the ghost
Of what you fear the most
I was split down the middle, torn in two,
And I chose to give you my heart,
I showed myself and it hurt you
Now you wear the mark of my ghost,
It’s what I feared the most
_____________________________________________________
“Problemchild, why can’t you just be normal?”
You ask yourself, “Why am I just so horrible?”
And you’re tryin’ so hard to fight the good fight
But you smell their fear when they look in your eyes
Then maybe, you’re not the problem, problemchild,
Maybe, you’re not the problem, problemchild
Problemchild, why do you keep on fighting
And screaming, even no one cares enough to listen
You speak the truth, that is undeniable
But just because it hurts doesn’t mean that truth is vile
And you feel your fight is unrecognized
Till you see them squirm because goddamn you’re right
You’re learning, you’re not the problem, problemchild,
You’re learning, you’re not the problem, problemchild,
Learning, you’re not the problem, problemchild,
You know now, you’re not the problem, problemchild.
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11. |
Jordan's Song
01:22
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I know I’ve been gone two years,
It’s felt like forever, really
But through laughter and through tears
I’ve learned lots about my being
And this world that we live in
Oh how it’s a playground in a minefield, surely
But I wouldn’t trade my memories for all the wealth in the world
‘Cause flying is real and I’ve done it,
The highs are hollow but luscious are lows
Magic is real and i’ve seen it,
It’s in all the details that make this world whole
Love does exist and I’ve felt it,
It lives in the arms of someone you call home
Home is so sweet and I know you will find it
So don’t let it go
Time never stops
And one day you will learn that
So even on your dying day
Please know you are born again
And so, you are endless,
Please never forget that.
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12. |
Vessels
04:58
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You were my missing piece
You filled up all the holes in me
But now the wounds reopen so I need someone to close them, please?
You’ve never felt real to me
Finding home was a fantasy
You gave me something to believe in, and someone to rely on
So please when you leave, if you could leave the light on
‘Cause I’ve no more songs to sing to you
If fireflies fill your skies
And the sands of time will someday erode the moon
That once lead me back to you
When our songs get lost in time
And the world no longer puts your hand in mine
And our vessels lie empty, a thought that used to scare me
I think of who we can be in our next lives
‘Cause we are more than real
And this life hasn’t just been a lie
Everything you’ve taught me will live in the vault of my heart
For when we restart
I’m sorry all you’ve seen in me
Is just a shadow of your ghost
But we are endless
And in every life I know I’ve loved you the most
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13. |
Hello
05:17
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Well now I feel I’ve wasted all this time
But I guess that’s alright?
And shooting off flares is a losing fight
When you won't look to the sky.
And if you hear this, I surely must’ve died,
I hope at least, you cried
And hey! Life sucks, but you can’t say I didn’t try
So hello from the next life!
Hello again, if I ever said goodbye
We’ll try again, in another place, another time
You’ve done so much for me, more than I ever could comprehend
So I know one day we’ll meet again.
Close your eyes, please with me won’t you lie
Before time runs me dry?
I know I’ve hurt you, but I hope that now you know
That I’ll be always by your side
From now until the day I die.
Hello again, if I’ve ever said goodbye
Won’t you come again to me in another life
We’re such a mess but I don’t think we know us any other way
So I’m sure we’ll meet again some day
Hello hello, I don’t wanna say goodbye to you
In every lifetime I will always be a fool for you
I don’t wanna rewind but I’ve learned that every time our life ends
Is when we get to start again.
Hello, hello,
Someday we'll get to start again.
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Jay Verchin Worcester, Massachusetts
Always colorful, never apologetic.
they/them
banner and pfp by Anna Friberg
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